How to Cope with Divorce

Equitable Mediation

Cori was featured in the above article, in collaboration with Equitable Mediation

Tips on How to Deal with Divorce:
Give yourself permission to grieve, but do so in a contained way so it does not feel all-consuming.

Try to give yourself 20 minutes per day (at the same time per day) to “step in” to the grief. You can journal about it, talk about it, daydream. After that 20 minutes, “step-out” of the grief and force yourself to focus on another activity.

Allow yourself to actually feel the feelings instead of numbing yourself through food, Facebook feeds, or over-busying yourself.

When you numb your feelings, you numb all feelings and thus don’t allow yourself to eventually feel the positive feelings of hopefulness, joy or gratitude. Let yourself feel the feeling, knowing it is temporary.

Build your strongest support team possible.

Rally up your troops of people with whom you can be completely raw and vulnerable throughout the process of divorce and post-divorce. This team can consist of friends, family, in-person divorce support groups, online discussion boards, a religious group/clergy member, a pet, and/or a therapist or counselor.

Recognize and work through your divorce shame.

Due to the shame we place on ourselves through the divorce process, we often create an “I’m a failure” narrative rather than see this divorce as an opportunity for positive transformation.

Brene Brown, shame researcher, found that in order to reduce shame, we must eliminate the secrecy, judgment and silence around it by talking openly about the divorce and giving ourselves empathy and self-compassion.

Work on acceptance and forgiveness.

Each day, try to spend a few moments reciting or remembering the Serenity Prayer/Serenity Challenge as divorce can bring difficulty in coping with lack of control of the past, the current circumstances, the future and the other person involved:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

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