How To Deal When He Comes On Too Strong Too Fast

Soulfulfilling Love

Learn how to deal when a potential suitor comes on too strong at the link above.

Cori’s contribution:

# Follow the 6 tips below

Is he expressing his love for you on date #1, planning your honeymoon on date #2 and naming your three future children on date #3?

If you feel that your suitors may be coming on too fast and too strongly, here are some tips:

1. Check in With Yourself Often.

If you are a hopeless romantic, you may feel ecstatic when your potential suitor talks about the future on a first date, or tells you “you’re the woman I’ve been waiting all my life for”. Stop and check in with yourself. Remind yourself that, regardless of how amazing you are (because, obviously, you are!), this is too soon and this person may be trying so hard to mold you into the relationship partner he so badly wants.

If you move slowly and wait to hear these sweet romanticisms, you know that they are most likely genuine. Don’t let yourself be drawn into the “ideal fantasy”. Declaring your love for someone too quickly can signal insecurity or anxiety, or an inability/unwillingness to be alone. Additionally, some men love the chase and may be in love with the idea of relationships and intense passion, not necessarily a relationship with you specifically.

2. Be Aware of Recently Single Men.

This is not to say that they aren’t dateable, but just take caution if they seem to be coming on too quickly. They may be still grieving their previous relationship and thus smothering you by trying to skip over the dating phase and zip straight into exclusivity.

Dating, especially after being in a long-term relationship, can be stressful for some people so it can often be appealing to want to skip this and move way too quickly into relationship-mode.

3. Tune into Their Balance of “We-ness” vs. “Me-ness”.

​If all you are hearing is, “we should do this”, “we should do that”, you may want to take pause. Watch out for serial monogamists that jump from relationship to relationship and latch on to the life of the person whom they are dating. Make sure you are still paying attention to the priorities you value outside of your relationship (friends, family, physical health, hobbies, spirituality/religion). You want to make sure your partner has their own life and knows how to make themselves happy, instead of needing you to fulfill his happiness.

4. Recognize How Technology is Impacting this Process.

In the age of digital dating, we find that there is a huge range of ways in which a potential partner may display their interest in you. On the one hand, you can have a divorcee who is just entering the world of dating after 10 years of marriage and has little experience with online/digital dating.

Or, you may have other potential suitors who only know dating from a digital perspective and thus utilize these means of communication immediately. Especially in this new era of dating, our immediate access to communication via various technologies can mean that the ways and amount of communication can quickly get out of hand.

5. Keep the Communication via Text to a Minimum.

​In this digital dating era, people often begin to excessively text each other, becoming integral parts of each other’s days, before even meeting in person or knowing each other’s last name. This can create a false sense of closeness and intimacy, which can make the in-person dating feel disingenuous and awkward.

Try to bring your dating behavior back to the era of your parents, where communication was solely done via telephone or in person. Use texting as a last resort, at least for the first few weeks.

6. Be Honest.

Many women hesitate to be assertive and advocate for themselves, but it is essential in dating. If you feel that the prospective suitor may actually have true potential, but is coming on too strongly, a simple reminder that you need to get to know him and ask respectfully that you both take it slowly, allowing a foundation to build before the physical touch, pet names, etc.

Being openly honest may also give you a glimpse of how this man may react to your assertiveness down the line. If he empathically accepts and respects your wishes, it may be worth continuing to explore the potential. He may be wonderful, but just needs to be reminded to reign it in a bit. However, if he gets angry or dismissive, this can foreshadow how he may act in future situations in which you stand up for yourself.

Cori Dixon-Fyle, LCSW – www.thrivingpath.com

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